Oftentimes in life, we focus on what we would like to gain. Lately, I’ve spent more time focusing on what I’d like to lose.
Author Lara Casey calls these things “weeds“: the elements that need to be ferociously pulled from our lives versus the tidbits that need to be nurtured and cultivated. Because (and I’m so learning), that essentially when we lose these elements, we have the opportunity to gain so much more.
This is such a central theme in my life: trying to tow the line in finding the balance in obtaining and releasing.
That being said, I would love to clue you in on the areas of life in which I am trying to become free of. Those “weeds” that I’m slowly chipping away at pulling from my garden called life. The things that oftentimes get in the way of potential gains. Here goes:
- An over-emphasis on the perceptions of others: This is something that has been more of a silent battle for me. On the outside, appearing a very outgoing, confident, out-spoken woman. However, my over-emphasis on others’ perceptions has caused me to over-work and over-committ myself in ways that I would never advise anyone to do. It’s also led to over-using “yes”, which has gotten me into a lotttttt of trouble.
- Constant accessibility: Here’s where I start to sound like an “old lady”. I wholeheartedly HATE the concept of always being able to be reached. With so many ways to communicate (both verbally as well as virtually), individuals tend to think there is little to no excuse for not “getting back to someone”. I would be the person who would take on such a tone of urgency whenever someone needed something of me, whether it was a work-related e-mail, or a social invite, or even just wanting to “catch up”. For what?! I am striving to let go of this sense of urgency and adopt the perspective that there is no rush when it comes to pace of communication (as well as the fact of being “off the grid” when I choose to be 🙂 ).
- “Gymtimidation“: One of the staff members at the gym I attend threw this term out at me one day, and I was like “Yes, that’s exactly how I’m feeling!” I was having so much trouble stepping out of my comfort zone at the gym, whether that meant venturing over into a lesser-traveled strength training area, or even using a machine that I wasn’t 100% confident on what it actually did (hey now, some of those are STRANGE). I feel that since identifying what I was actually feeling and where that fear was coming from (hello, recovering perfectionist, remember?), I have felt more empowered to be able to modify this for myself, whether that’s taking more classes or even using funny-looking weight machines ;).
- Financial fear: ugh. Ugh. UGH. This is such a tough one for me. Growing up, a great emphasis was placed on working your butt off in order to be independently secure in terms of your finances. I’ve never worked less than 3 jobs at once in my life (UP UNTIL THIS YEAR, Holy guac), as was constantly urged by my parents to work work work and save save save. This “financial fear” mentality has led me to go through periods of out-of-control impulsive spending as well as periods in which I would have so much anxiety even buying the essentials. I remember those awful days standing in a corner of a grocery store aisle, having the false mentality that all eyes were on me and that my fear was somehow exposed, feeling on the verge of a panic attack staring at the items in my cart (all of which were essential, nothing over the top). This is something that still has such a powerful grip on me, and I see how it comes through in my hubby and I’s marriage. I’m still the type that is either constantly checking the bank account with a pit in the bottom of my stomach, or going weeks without looking at bank statements because the fear of the thought of being financially insecure is a fear that my body will avoid facing at all costs.
- Being everyone’s solution: I feel this one might need it’s own separate post, as this was the driving force to my excessive weight gain, unsustainable pace of living, and almost complete isolation 2 years back. In summary-I just cannot allow myself to be in this mentality, as well as have to view this is absolutely unrealistic. For my own health’s sake. Others in my life are also being challenged to accept this, as it has changed the way I act professionally, personally, and emotionally.
What are you challenging yourself to let go of in order to make gains in your life? Can you identify with any of these areas? I’d love to hear what’s on your heart. How lovely would it be for us to know we are not alone in these areas that grip us?