Yup. You heard that right. I made a choice to walk away from an opportunity to “move forward and succeed”.
For those that maybe have gotten to know me a bit more on the WWW, this is not necessarily something that screams “Of course, that’s SO you!” In fact, it almost sounds like the complete opposite. No, someone else did not take over my body. No, it was not a dream.
It was actually me.
I work in a profession where we are paid by the “billable” hour, meaning time spent face-to-face with clients (let alone all the extra coordination, paperwork, and research that go into this job, which we are unfortunately NOT reimbursed for). Recently, I was given a promotional opportunity to enter into more of a supervisory role, meaning a financially stable salary-based position rather than what most of our employees at our agency have. This position would also have me be more involved with a special growing sector of our company, and take a bit more of a leadership role at my stationed site.
Sounds great right? Then why did I find myself saying “No“?
I feel like my “old habits” would have chastised me, saying “Why would you turn down an opportunity to become more financially sound when this is one of the largest things that causes you great anxiety?! Why wouldn’t you want to continue moving up the ladder in your career in order to be more esteemed and successful? Why would you say no to an agency you are loyal to, because what if they won’t think as highly of you if you don’t take this?! Why would you ever say no when you can in fact say yes?!”
Gah. Aren’t those voices annoying?
Let me redeem myself here: I COULD have said yes. I certainly could have performed well in this role, as I do in fact have the experience, credentials, and qualities of one that would do well in a position such as this. It had nothing to do with not feeling equipped, or being fearful or insecure about how things would play out in that regard.
But here are the things I would have lost through this, (which I have realized have now become more important that the things I would have gained):
- The flexibility my current work schedule provides, which is serving us greatly during this season of life
- The freedom to work with a wide variety of individuals, as well as work specifically with the area of expertise that I am so passionate about
- The sustainable workload that I have been working so hard at keeping myself accountable in
- The freedom to make my own hours vs. have to work around other’s availability
- My margin (OOOOOOH. Sincerely one of my favorite words). Meaning, the buffer that keeps us from getting too close to our ‘breaking point’.
And when I look back on all this, what it came down to was truly this summation: I’m content.
I’m content with where I’m at in my occupation at this time (well, aside from the ever-stressful financial aspect that comes along with this gig), but I truly at this time have no desire to do anything besides what I’m already doing at the agency. A promotion didn’t mean MORE to me, it meant LESS. I don’t have a burning urge to “do more, take on more, BE MORE!” like I had in the past. I saw what that did to me, and I DON’T want to go back there (if you’re scratching your head on what this means, read my explanation of that journey here.)
Sometimes, we have to empower ourselves to say no to even the “good” things to say yes to the “best” things.
I also have to remember that I am not everyone’s solution. What’s best for me might not match someone else’s desires for me. But that does not mean that I am not making a healthy choice for myself. It simply means we have different priorities at the time, and no one is going to look out for your priorities for you. That is within my responsibility.
I feel good about this. I feel relief through this. I feel freedom through this.
This is one of the largest aspects of self I am trying to nurture this season-giving myself the freedom to exercise “no” to even the good things. Keep ya posted 🙂
What types of “good things” have you had to say no to in order to say yes to the “best things” for yourself? I’d love to connect through this.